I could care less, I really could, but it's really hard to when I have something called a soul.  I wasn't going to allow myself to write about you again but fuck it, here it goes.

I still care about you, but it's getting so much easier to let go of everything with the ignorant things you pull.  I can't stand the fact that it eats me up inside knowing that your with the same person you left for me.  I can't stand the fact that I'm watching your own self-respect crumble because your most likely trying to get my attention, and even if your not, you obviously have it.  You never lost it.  I broke up with you because it was deteriorating my own mental and physical health, just trying to accommodate your every need, or at least making it seem like I was. 
I can't get you a diamond ring, hell I can't even pay for my own fucking tuition. 
I can't take you out to all these places, I can't even get out of the house without being bitched at by my own parents.
Yet you expected me to buy you gifts all the time, when I haven't even received a birthday/christmas gift in nearly 5 years.  You said you'd fight for me, if there ever came a time when I actually left you, and look what happened.
When it came time for you to act, you did not do anything but make yourself look like a loose slut.
A lying one.
I can't begin to tell you how many nightmares I have of you ending up at some dead-end job, begging for shit, and then cursing me for being the cause.  Maybe I let it go prematurely, but now I know, it probably was a good thing it ended when it did.  Looking at it now, after hearing everything my friends had to say, you basically turned into what I wanted to save you from...
Trash
We can't be friends, like you wanted, atleast not until I completely don't give a shit, and that's gonna be very soon.  But even then, I would not even want to know you. 
I'm going to erase you completely.
From my mind, my life, and my heart.
I've given this way more thought than it's worth.
Enjoy fooling yourself that your happy, with the way you are.
I'll find my own happiness, and it won't ever be with you.

"Sleep with all the lights on.
You're not so happy.
You're not secure.
You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,
but you're plastic just like everyone.
just like everyone.
And that face you paint is pressed
impressing most of us it's permanent
and I'd like to see you undone."
Dashboard Confessional - Swiss Army Romance

I tried to pull you up, but you ended up falling down on your own. 
I won't be the one to pull you up again. 

Because now, I could care less about what happens.

I'm ready for new people, new feelings, and most of all, a better life.

I'm moving forward, and I'm not gonna look back again.

I'm officially single, have been for about a week, and I feel like this amazing weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I've done what I could, but in the end, I had to finish that chapter, even if it wasn't going to be a happy ending.  I've made my share of mistakes, but I worked to fix them.  Hopefully she'll continue to work to improve her life, instead of being the mess she was when I fell in love with her.  So much stress is building up, even though some of the load is now gone, I'm still stressing.  Stress, stress, stress, just make me go bald already will you?



For me, I need someone with her priorities straight, so that I can focus on what's mine, and soon to be mine, without having to pick someone up and carry them to their destination.
For now, I'll just see what's out there, I'm sure I'll find something that fits.

Welcome 2009, I hope you have much to give me, as much as I want to give you.
I understand it's a late address, but please excuse my tardiness for these heartfelt apologies I have for you.
I hope that you can give me some good luck this year, for I have been extra good last year, I tried my best to make sure people's lives were stable, even when mine was not.  I did my best with helping out my friends, when they were in hardship, without expecting anything in return.  I did not kill myself last year, so please help me not to do so this year.  I've had people betray me over and over again, yet I did not let it bring me down, I did not stoop to their level, and I did not "knock someone's teeth out" like I had oh so wanted to.  I did not drown myself in sorrow with alcohol, I did not have any regrets because I was not under the influence of alcohol, and I also did not cause any sort of unnecessary drama on my own behalf.  So please keep the drama away from me 2009.  Help me keep in touch with my friends, the ones who count mind you, and help me atleast be able to see the people who I have not seen in awhile, or at all. 
Also 2009, please allow me to get a job, because that is needed as well.
Dear 2009, don't make me hate you like I did 2008.  2008 was quite a stressful year.

without my knuckles tearing apart, so i'll do so soon..

I don't update a lot... 
Why?

Final Exams
help.

I always knew today's youth was going down the drain but really now, having a threesome in a middle school bathroom?  Your what?  12?  People your age should be figuring out what to wear on a firstdate or what to see at the movies, not doing the dirty!  This isn't the 70s people, and even in the 70s people were usually of age or atleast close to being done with puberty before "doing it."  At that age you probably don't even know what sperm even does!  Let alone all of the std's excuse me STI's you can get. 
How about the fact that when a penis inserts into a vagina, you can also get pregnant?  You want to be 13 with a kid?  This isn't fucking Mexico!  (I apologise if that offends anyone)
And what is with all the drugs around kids these days?  Maybe I was blind when I was in middle/high school but it's just mind bending with the amount of drugs kids are surrounded by these days.  Seriously, life is more than just getting fucked up.  The reason your in school now is so you can live comfortably later.  Don't be stupid.

For all the people who have been involved in my life, that actually take the time to say "what's up" to me and listen.  Thank you. 
For all the people who haven't, and have been just hanging around or not at all, here's an update.
I AM TIRED
Thank you to the belligerent fools, who can't seem to calm down for once and look around, because of you I'm going through mental breakdowns night after night.
Worrying about my friends, their lives, their safety, and most of all their ties with me.
How long do I have to hold on, before you people to actually come forward with me so instead of hanging by a thread, we can hang on to each other.
I may be what you consider emo but that shouldn't be a bad thing. 
Please don't go, before you regret everything.
I think I've been more than patient with a lot of you.
For the people who think their life is going nowhere...

1. get up on your feet and do something
2. do not be idle, that in itself will get you nowhere
3. how about you not try to do things by yourself and ask others for help
4. you really aren't the only one going through everything
5. give it time and maybe, JUST MAYBE, you can actually do something

For the people who are trying to change...

1. actually take the time to think things through before you act
2. what you think is an unshakable will, is actually just you thinking that
3. it takes time before you put yourself in an environment where your surrounded by the things your trying to avoid to actually be able to avoid them
4. do not lie to your loved ones saying your going somewhere not to immerse yourself in horrible surroundings
5. you will end up reverting back to your past self.

For the people who believe people that say they won't hurt you again...

1. do you honestly think a person can pull a 180 like that so fast?
2. whatever excuse they're giving you, I'll say it right now.  It's JUST AN EXCUSE
3. if they hurt you once, maybe they can be different, if they hurt you twice, don't let them back in
4. don't tell "me" that I don't understand, I've gone through more than a regular person should have in these sort of situations
5. don't try to erase the fact that they hurt you to let them back in, it's just going to hurt you five times as bad when it happens again... And believe me, it will happen again.

To all the little pricks, who belittle my intelligence in these sort of matters.  Do you know me? 
Have you lived the life I've lived don't waste your time or mine trying to say I have no clue.  I do have a clue, I have the whole case.  And that has been closed for quite a long time now.

To the people who have disappeared off the planet, or atleast the planet me and my friends live on... Where are you.
I miss you and it kills me that I'm not able to be there to help you out whenever your in trouble.

I've become so stressed out with my own life, that I've become angry.
I can't stop this rain, which may soon turn into a never-ending thunderstorm. 
This is my call to the people who care about me. 
Help.  Me.  Out...

I'm sorry it took me so long
I'm sorry it took me so long
I'm sorry it took me so long
I'm sorry it took me so long

how will you get over this
how will you ever get over this
what will it take for you to
what will it take for you to stop
the sun has been gone
the sun has been gone for hours
and
I will never make another promise
I will never make another promise without

So take this, there's the exit
go and find out "who you want to be"
who you want to be
just give it a rest
just give it a rest